Just Engaged? What to Do First (and in What Order)

Congratulations! Once the ring has been shown off and the calls are made, most couples hit the same wall: where do we actually start? The answer is simpler than the internet makes it look. A handful of decisions come first, in a particular order, because each one shapes the next. Get these right and everything after them gets easier.

Here is the order we'd recommend, the way we'd talk a friend through it.

1. Enjoy it, then talk about the day you both want

Give yourselves a few weeks before you book anything. Then sit down together, away from the group chats, and talk about the feel of the day rather than the details.

• Big party or small and intimate?
• Traditional ceremony, wedding breakfast and evening reception, or something more relaxed?
• Country house, city venue, barn, marquee or abroad?
• What matters most to each of you: the food, the music, the photos, the dress, the party?

Pick your top three priorities. When the budget gets tight later, these are the things you protect.

2. Set your budget before you fall in love with anything

This is the least romantic step and the most important. Work out what you can put in yourselves, whether family would like to contribute (and whether that comes with opinions attached), and what you're comfortable spending in total.

Then set up a simple spreadsheet with every category, an estimate, the actual quote and what's been paid. It sounds dull, but it's the single best tool for keeping the whole thing under control. Keep a contingency of around 5-10% for the extras nobody mentions up front.

3. Draft the guest list

Your guest list drives your budget more than anything else, because catering and drinks are usually priced per head, and it decides which venues are even possible. A venue that's perfect for 60 won't work for 150.

Start with a rough number, then split it into day guests and evening guests. Agree early how you'll handle plus-ones, children and work friends, so you're not renegotiating it every time someone asks.

4. Choose a season (and a rough date)

Summer Saturdays are the most popular, which means they book up first and are often priced highest. If you're flexible, you have options:

• Friday, Sunday or midweek dates can be noticeably cheaper at many venues.
• Autumn and winter weddings are often priced lower and can feel wonderfully atmospheric, with candlelight, rich colours and cosy venues.
• Bank holiday weekends give guests time to travel and recover, but check they aren't paying peak rates for hotels.

Choose a season and two or three possible dates rather than one fixed day. You'll have far more venues to choose from.

5. Find and book your venue

With a budget, a rough guest number and a season, you can finally go venue hunting properly. Shortlist three to five, visit them, and ask the same questions at each so you can compare fairly. We've put together the full list in our questions to ask a wedding venue checklist.

A few things to confirm before you sign:

• Is the venue licensed for civil ceremonies, if you want to marry there?
• What exactly is included in the price, and what's extra?
• Can you bring in your own suppliers and decor?
• What's the deposit and payment schedule?

If you're looking locally, our pick of wedding venues in the West Midlands is a good place to start.

6. Book your ceremony

If you're having a civil ceremony at a licensed venue, the registrars are booked separately from the venue, through the register office for the district where the venue is. Book them as soon as your venue is confirmed, because popular dates go quickly.

For a religious ceremony, speak to your minister or officiant early. Church of England and Church in Wales weddings usually involve banns being read, and they'll tell you what's needed.

7. Book the key suppliers

Once the venue and date are fixed, book the suppliers who can only be in one place on one day. Roughly in this order:

1. Planner or coordinator, if you want one. The earlier they're involved, the more they can save you in time and money.
2. Photographer and videographer. The best ones book up a year or more ahead.
3. Entertainment: band, DJ, ceremony musicians.
4. Caterer, if your venue doesn't provide one.
5. Florist and styling, once you have a colour palette in mind.
6. Cake, stationery and favours, which can come a little later.

Juggling a long list of separate suppliers is where a lot of the stress comes from. It's why we offer wedding planning alongside styling, flowers, cakes, stationery, entertainment and photography: one point of contact and one quote, with everything designed to work together.

8. Give notice of marriage

This is the legal step people forget about. In England and Wales, you both need to give notice of marriage in person at your local register office, at least 29 days before the ceremony. You'll need an appointment, and you each need to have lived in the registration district for at least seven days beforehand. Notice is valid for 12 months, so don't give it too early.

Bring the documents the register office asks for, usually proof of identity, nationality and address. Requirements can differ if either of you isn't a British or Irish citizen, and the rules are different in Scotland and Northern Ireland, so check with your local register office. If you're marrying in a Church of England or Church in Wales ceremony, your vicar will explain whether you also need to give notice.

A simple wedding planning timeline

Every wedding is different, but this is a sensible rhythm for a 12-18 month engagement:

A shorter engagement is absolutely doable. You'll just need more flexibility on date and venue.

Quick answers

What should we do first after getting engaged?

Enjoy it, then agree a budget and a rough guest number. Those two decisions shape everything else, especially your choice of venue.

How far in advance should we book a wedding venue?

Many couples book 12-18 months ahead, particularly for summer Saturdays. Off-peak dates can often be booked at shorter notice.

When do we give notice of marriage in England?

At least 29 days before the ceremony, and no more than 12 months before, at your local register office.

If you'd like a hand turning all of this into a plan, get in touch. We'd love to hear about your ideas, however early they are.